suffering from the delusion

I am a Creative Writing student in the University of the Philippines Mindanao. That’s plain fact. Whenever someone asks me what course I’m taking in college, instead of answering Bachelor of Arts in English, I’ll simply say Creative Writing. I’ll tell you why.

People go loco whenever we mention our being English Majors. My classmates also has the same dilemma. People tend to be over critical to our english. Some people tend to be conscious with how they speak english when we’re around. They seem to be suffering to the delusion that we’re great experts of the language.

Though we tend to study the complex world of grammar and syntax, that’s not the craft we are really trying to master. We are being trained in the realm of Creative Writing. We may qualify in journalism, editorials, speeches and research work all in english, our forte mainly lies on literature, poems, prose, short stories and plays.

proetry and poese

After taking up CW101 under Prof. Jhoanna Cruz, we’re expected to have decided to the form of genre we’re suppose to focus at. In Creative Writing, we’ve got a lot to choose from. Being a fanatic of this course, I’m actually having this dilemma of what to focus on.

I’m lousy at playwriting! That’s a fact. At first, I was still optimistic in trying it out. I did try my best but I guess it just wasn’t for me. I don’t know. It’s the genre of being in the stage. The fact that the considerations that it’s to be performed rather than be read is quite new to me. Don’t get me wrong, I like staged plays. I actually had my share of experience in performing on stage in my younger days. But the writing of the play itself, hmmmm… I think it’s a no-no for me.

On the other hand, I guess I can consider myself to be a reasonably fair fiction writer. hehe. I mean, I’ve made stories that clicked. They’re not that good but I guess people found some potential in the writing. To be honest, I tend to get material to man’s best friend–the television. That’s the reason why my first short stories were kind of cinematic in a way. I like writing stories. Short stories or short short stories/flash fictions. The thing about fiction is the fact that I have the chance to explain myself in a prosaic way which is quite comfortable.

Poetry, however, is something exotic yet mysterious genre for me. And I’m quite thrilled in learning it. Unlike fiction, I find poetry more difficult and less comfortable. The choice of words, the tone, rhythm, rhyme, meter and other technicalities or non-techinalities are like strings tangled together in my mind. And the thing is, I love it! I love the feeling of playing with words and I kind of feel like I’m falling in love with poetry.

So it’s either fiction or poetry. Where should I focus and concentrate? I like both. I can be good at both. But there’s this feeling that only one should precede the other in my choice. What? Help me.

Poetry or Prose.

purple pad craze!

I just realize something. For the past few months, I’ve been discussing a lot about Creative Writing and other related and/or unrelated stuff. But I still haven’t even given you a chance to see some of my works. Well, to make it up to you, I’ve got great news!

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to PurplePad!

PurplePad is our Creative Writing Blogsite featuring our works for the past semesters. Yes, it’s a requirement but I would have done one like it anyway. It’s all Professor Jhoanna’s idea to publish our works online.

On that site we’ve got collections of poems (narrative poems, mytho-poems and tankas), flash fictions and memoirs! It’s a one-stop amateur literary site.

Authors or my classmates and I have our own page with direct links to their works. You’ll definitely see their faces there! Learn more about them and get aquainted to the budding writers of the century (hehe..)!

Our teachers and mentors are also listed there. We couldn’t have done it without them.

We’d really want comments and criticisms from anyone who can spare some. Writers actually love them. They hurt sometimes but we like it! It helps us in our writing if people read and critique our works.

Check it out! PurplePad!

big apple fashion schools

Art and creativity can actually earn you a degree! People has been very critical to me when I took up the Creative Writing Program. I mean, they had expected me to take up a course that would ensure me a “bright future” (meaning medicine, law, accountancy, nursing and other white-collared job courses).

But in choosing a course, I believe that one should follow your passion and mix it up with a little practicality. Embarking to the world of fashion is one of the best answers.

If I was to study fashion, where else should it be but The Big Apple?!

I’ve stumbled in a site that features New York fashion schools. The site helps you in finding the best fashion schools in New York from design to merchandising and marketing! Fashion articles are featured to keep you updated to the latest news in the fashion community. Interesting autobiographies of today’s greatest designers (Tommy Hilfiger, Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein, etc.) are also in the site for everyone to see.

The site also offers its views and suggestions about one’s possible career in fashion. Fashion schools New York is an option for practically anyone who is interested enough to hone their artistic talents and wield it for the public to experience.

Who know? You could be one of the new trend-setters of the century.

haiku: the biggest poem

 

Furu ike ya
kawazu tobikomu
mizu no oto

This haiku by Matsuo Basho is the most popular haiku known in the literary world in English. R. H. Blyth translated it this way:

The old pond;
A frog jumps in —
The sound of the water.

Like I said, this poem is very popular. It has been translated in different ways but the intent of Basho could be understood. Along with the poet Ricardo de Ungria and my other blockmates, we discussed the said poem over a workshop facilitated by the Davao Writers Guild which is actually sponsored by the NCCA.

The Frog haiku has become a very common for us Creative Writing Students. It is as if the poem itself became a cliche. But after discussing it with Sir Ricky, we found out the magnificence of it. Just basing in the exact words and the connotations it beheld, we were able to determine the haiku’s essence.

Old pond connotes the pond to be arid or barren. It is an assumption that we develop whenever we know of an ancient pond. Then comes this frog who enters the scene, jumping. We can see the disturbance he made. Vital part is the sound of water.

Where did the water came from?

Now we understand that the poem actually talks about discovery and surprise. Another haiku we tackled before we ended was by Arakide Moritake. The haiku reads:

A cherry petal
flies back up to its branch—
oh, a butterfly!

This poem also talks about surprise and discovery. But Moritake’s haiku also generates the idea we really can relate at—disappointment. The wonder of cherry petals going back to its branch captured the speaker’s delight. But the discovery of the petals being butterflies and the mystery being explained brought disappointment.

A big WOW! Poetry has become a very interesting form of literature for me. I’m still starting to write there. I’ve been writing prose for a while now but I really am very excited to do poetry.

I’d like to thank Ate Chi for making things possible with Sir Ricky and for my blockmates for being there in the workshop. The workshop is still starting so I couldn’t actually write anything accurate about it yet.

In parting I would like to leave a haiku for you to ponder, please comment on what you think!

Spare the fly!
he prays with his hands
he prays with his feet

-Kobayashi Issa-

 

sinews and syllables

Just yesterday, the BAEnglish (Creative Writing) students presented “Connect and Disconnect”, a Sinews and Syllables Presentation. The event was a series of performance of selected BAE students. They interpreted the poems and other works with proffesional choreography led by Creative Writing Faculty Jean Claire Dy and John Bengan.

The works of great writers were featured. Christina Rosetti’s No, Thank You, John was performed with a gothic impact by my blockmate Ella. When The Light Appears by Allen Ginsberg was performed with contemporized music by Darsi and Allen. I was tasked to recite Pablo Neruda’s Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines. Those were only few of the several great works presented. Some of the pieces performed were created by the very own CW students in the BAE program.

Congratulations to us for a successful presentation. I’d like to mention the Food Committee for preparing such a good meal (pansit bihon with loaf bread, drinks: juice in tetra packs). Below, you can see April holding me. She caught me sneaking some food.

A small get-together was held at Mintal with some of the performers and faculty members exchanging toasts of beer. No, I remained sober with my big Pop Cola with me. It’s actually my first time to sit and talk with BAE people in that manner. And I actually found myself enjoying intellectual yet crazy conversations with them.

The night (or should I say morning) ended with a couple of burgers from Minute Burger.

broke but not broken

Writing became a door for new questions. When I took up the Creative Writing Course here in UP Mindanao, the one thing that was in my mind was my passion in writing. I love writing.

Then reality struck.

People who learned the nature of my course almost have the same question: “Do you expect to get rich on that?” Some would ask me what’s the job I’m most likely to get. To both inquiries, I was speechless. Hands down, at that time I had no good answer to give them.

Here comes the “Parents’ Sacrifice” Card. You should have taken BS Nursing. Nursing has become a very intriguing course here in the Philippines. The majority of students who graduate from the secondary education are most likely to proceed in that course. One main reason: Because it is in demand in other countries.

Yes, being in a Third World Country has been a very challenging life for us Filipinos. This instilled the desire for some of us to grab the easiest way to earn dollars and to get out of the country in the process.

Though I share the same fate of my countrymen, I have broken away from the trend and pursued my passion in writing. So now I face this dilemma, how will I use this craft in earning a substantial amount of money?

Until now, I am still finding new ways to incorporate my writing in earning money, trying to change that door of questions to a door of opportunity. I’ve been searching in the net and I have stumbled in the system of blogging. I also am submitting some of my works to local publications. Both ways, I’m still in the process of exploring.

I am also thinking of publishing little children’s stories and small time booklets. Children’s Literature is a very subtle and complex art that actually takes a whole course in UP, so I guess I shouldn’t have my hopes high yet.

I don’t mind ghost writing or filling up texts in websites. I’m also interested in writing for comic books or graphic works (that’s been like my childhood dream). I could draw, but not that well. I can write though.

Lastly, I could also be of some use in editing work. I’m familiar to the pressure in journalism as I was once a part of a student publication back in my secondary years. I’m fairly good in English. Oh, I have lapses here and then. Who doesn’t, right?

If you have any insights or ideas, don’t hesitate to help a friend here.

writing with the self

I wrote Red and Purple Darkness for my flash fiction in CW101. It’s a story about Dondi, 16, who along with his Ate Nadia, escapes a life of abuse from their father. The piece is talks about Dondi’s inability to escape from being his own father as he himself beats him up when he went back to molest his sister. The story is quite violent and gory in a way.

Yes, it’s been bothering me for quite some time now. I’ve been writing bloody stories for a long time now. The story Chained Girl is I think the first story that I’ve been able to showcase to the “elite” in the Iligan National Writers Workshop. Sure enough, it received piercing criticisms.

The panelists and the fellows encouraged me and suggested that I read more of Edgar Allan Poe, Stephen King, etc. writer’s works. Gothic, Dark Romance, Romantic, those kinds of genre seem to fascinate me in my major classes.

Usually it is the parents who fall victimized in the end of my stories. There is also a masochistic and sadistic feeling in my works. Hatred is a common theme and Violence a usual concept.

No, I never have been subject to any domestic violence in my home. There are however heated conversations, swearing and even minor fights. Nothing serious, in general standards. Not enough for the involvement of the local law enforcement.

I guess it is in the stories where I throw out my emotions over the struggles I encounter in my life. I’ve been told in one of my majors that the writer is actually writing about himself in all his works. No matter how indirectly, it is still about the writer. Of course.

That creeps me out. Am I really that demented and twisted? I’m not a psychopath, no. I guess it only one of the undesirable pangs of being a teenager. I still have my rationality and sanity intact.

Violence is one thing that is deprived from us since we were really young. No cartoons with violence, no manga and anime! Except for Voltes Five. I guess I feel amazed of the concept of pain, hatred and fear (the emotions I usually feel) being expressed through violence.

In another name, I made a flash fiction about an unusual rain; instead of water falling, yellow flower petals fell. It was titled Alm Rain, it was a story about a child refusing to take part in enjoying the wonderful event because of pride.

I feel pleased in writing Fantasy fiction. It has a flavor that I could not describe. Maybe, I appreciate the stories of the unreal. I love Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings. I enjoy reading adventures that I know does not exist (or so I think). I guess what I really wanted is escape from the bitter realities in life.

I enjoy the concept of Imagery. I want pictures that shows the dark, strange, odd, grotesque and horrifying. I simply am amazed. I loved comics but I can’t afford them. I enjoy admiring disturbing paintings. There was a time when I stared at Juan Luna’s Spolarium.

I could be a Romantic. You think?

in ad equacy

I was taught to win. Some people call it superiority complex, some a simple case of being a pig-head. Either way, I hate it when you do your best but still end up not good.

The last week was the most confusing and self-deflating week I ever had yet. I was greeted with a slap in the face in a way of bloody remarks in my paper. No matter how profound the euphemisms the teacher may use, the message will still be the same. You are inadequate. I am still better than you. In defense to those whose jobs oblige them to give off disturbingly stated comments to me, I guess it’s just my interpretation of their writings. Mary Poppins would find it pleasant. It’s all relative and arbitrary, I suppose.

Write, write, write and read, read, read. That has been the Eternal Advice I keep on saying to myself. Yes, I may be guilty of not following it religiously but I keep it in my head and heart.

It is simply hard for me to realize that I am still inadequate. It is true that the more you know, the more you know that you do not know. Damn that. I have been picturing myself to be a level (or two) higher than my fellows. But as long as I keep pushing myself forward, the more the situations and events around me push me back.

Just now, I know that I have just made one of the best stories I ever did. For me, it has everything it needed to be a quite satisfactory narrative. I was convinced. But as an entry to the contest I just joined, it wasn’t enough. Either I really sucked, didn’t follow the instructions or the judges were really strict. Either way, what’s done is done.

Until now I still wouldn’t revise my Chained Girl. I’m still healing myself from the blows from the INWW. I really take my writing seriously. No, I’m not really that good in receiving criticisms. I do take them though. I take them with honor and respect. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad. I would never believe that there is one writer that would say that it doesn’t feel bad whenever someone better than you criticizes the best work you have painfully written with easy careless tones.

You know why?

It’s because every sane (if there is such thing) writer treats his works as his children. Every creation his own baby. A part of the writer is there in the work. Slash that! The writer is his work! At least that’s my answer to that question.

Silly me. Guess what? I learned how to make stories in less than ten minutes this day with the Talecraft Cards. Who does that in our class? It took me the whole Christmas Break to make a 100-word flash fiction! The cards are good for writing exercises, though.

ni aga gni wgee sott nawi! I really do. I hope I do.

chicken-egg

Time is quite fast when you’re doing something. Time is so damn slow when you’re waiting for someone or for something to happen. Time is also an established magazine!

We’ve passed our memoir and our flash fiction (through post, mind) and are now getting set to do the real deal. We’ve recently made a character sketch for our upcoming fiction making which is also our midterm project.

No, I still haven’t finished making up stories in my head. There are so many material but I still don’t know how to wield them up and manipulate them for my own liking. It kinda reminds me of the good old days when I was still ignorant of these things. So much for that.

I’ve been encouraging my blockmates to submit for the Iligan National Writer’s Workshop this summer. It would be quite wonderful if they’d undergo the same experience I had last summer there. Free hotel, transportation and all the food you can eat! What’s stopping you? Oh yeah, you have to get fried by the best and respected writers in the country. But heck! It’s a rewarding experience all together. It’s both humbling and flattering at the same time.

But back to my dilemma, I still have to think of a story with my psycho-killer character. We’re going to start materializing our stories tomorrow in our class and my meditation moments are still inadequate.

What is Talecraft? People have been running around UP advertising that Talecraft contest. We’ve been encouraged. Our teacher’s a judge. There’s a waiving of the grade when you win. But still, what is Talecraft?

It’s a hectic back-to-school year. I’m glad I’m back here at UP. No, my friends, Christmas happens after New Year. It’s not a Chicken-egg question. New Year happens on January, the start of year. Okay?

Happy Back-to-School!

chimneyless children

Sending our assignment through post! Wow, that’s original. Things are getting pretty interesting in our CW course. Just imagine, we’re suppose to write in miniscule letters our short story on a postcard and send it to our teacher who really assumes her divinity.

What a freaking Christmas. I am practically racking my brains out to come up with a short story for my Christmas assignment. Material! I need material! And guess what? Material is everywhere! But I still cannot form it into pristine ideas.

So far I’ve been watching Prison Break, which is actually not a waste of my time seeing that it suggests a lot for my writing. People should watch it. I also finished the first two seasons of the Japanese manga Ah! My Goddess which is also not a waste of my time seeing how entertained I was with the pretty cartoons and the very simple but comical plot.

I’m glad to announce that I have my official mascot! His name is Pagoy. And yes, he’s a turtle; a Japanese Turtle to be precise. He’s like two and a half inches long. He’s a hundred percent cute. I now have a little mascot for me! I’m just sharing. He could be the one who might inspire me to write a lot. Besides, he’s going to be a lead character to some of my future children stories. The little devils are suckers to cute slimy reptiles.

Happy Christmas. Why would people insist with “merry”? You don’t say “Merry Birthday or Merry New Year”. This is such a sick world.

It’s quite true that when you’re getting older, you start to care about the things you’re about to give than those you want to recieve. My three-year-old brother ransacked the newly wrapped gifts ten days away from Christmas. However my seventy-something-year-old lola manages to give a gift to each of the fifteen plus grandchildren and great-grandchildren she has.

Oh, well. A Jovial Christmas to you all! Filipinos are unfortunate, SAnta wouldn’t visit us because we don’t have chimneys!

Mirikrismastuyuol!

fiction fricative friction

I’m done with my Custard Cake essay. Hah! Really didn’t expect that to finish. Another product of bluff-writing. Hehe. It’s probably the the first time you encountered that term. It’s like writing a lot without really telling something. Or something like that.

But I’m quite excited to say that we’re going to venture to the amazing world of Fiction Writing the first thing next year. It really is very exciting for me to once again stretch my hands and try myself in making short stories.

I wouldn’t say I’m that bad. But I’m sure as hell not that good. This year’s summer, I joined the 14th Iligan National Writer’s Workshop. I didn’t know how honorably horrifying it was to join there. Of course I was grateful for the country’s top writers to discuss my work but I wasn’t ready to be humbled down that easily by them.

Haha.. Oh well, I enjoined the experience though. They’re really cool people, those writers. I mean they’re way ahead of me on age and experience but they can still relate to everyday things. They still hang out with us rookies. And they are good in conversation. You’ll learn a lot from them.

Speaking of learning from them. I learned that my story which I really was quite proud of wasn’t really a story… Not yet! Haha… But I’ll spare you my optimism. They said that it was plot driven and the characters weren’t real.  There was no clear setting and the was not clear imaging. The words were poor and the language mediocre.

I’m not going to justify that I was only a first year with The Chained Girl as my first short story ever. Or that it was done in a cramming situation because it was an assignment for my AH4 class. Or that because I was still a crappy writer at that time. Haha..

They were right though in all points. I learned now that the plot is more or less a by-product of the character. So I have to make my characters real. I mean damn real. That’s a challenge for me. I’m quite glad that the goddess disguising herself as my professor in CW101 required us to make a character’s sketch over the Christmas Break. In that way, I’m compelled to do something that I needed to do for myself as well.

I really really really want to tell you more about my short story The Chained Girl. After all, she was my first baby. But I don’t know. Maybe in another post in another time. I really want to give her justice. No, I still haven’t started to revision the whole thing. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. But I know that I’m still waiting.

I’m hoping that Fiction Writing would prove to be my genre. But for now, I’m still thinking.

volting in

How come CW students are not so bonded with each other in their course (except perhaps with their own blockmates) and with other courses in UP Min? I mean, I don’t even know how many upperclassmen I have to recognize. Who are my upperclassmen for that matter. I found out that this certain upperclass person was actually in the BAE program just moments before the end of last semester.

What is with BAE students that they tend to be very quiet in noisy events? Like the Torch Night or the Freshmen Night for example. People would be surprise to see BAE students come up with their cheer. Nada in the cheerdance competition last Dula (not that I wanted to join, though).

Well, my point is this, aside from the Communication Arts students, isn’t it just right that BAE students should be expected to be another very social and interactive people in the campus. I mean seriously, creative writing is a social course. We are expected to socialize to learn things and write about them.

An alumnus mentioned that it has always been the trend among BAE students. Wow, what a trend for supposedly noisy people. It’s like we don’t exist. Should we really be like this?

No, we’re not nerdy. At least I think not. I mean, look at us! What’s so nerdy about us? I don’t mind being distant with other courses as long as we are not distant with our fellow coursemates. I can’t even name five freshmen in this course. No, we can’t always go out and find them and get to know them one by one. What a dilemma! My up-class are unapproachable and our freshies are hiding. How would I ever get to know them?

What happened to Tinta? It could actually be the only venue where BAE students of different batches could congregate and get to know each other. Nobody shows up though. What a shame. Sayang talaga!

The fact that I want to stress out is that everyone in this course should be united. We should get to know each other. Believe it or not, we need each other. We should string and paste each other up for us to work well.

Biologist gathers up with biologists, food technologists with food technologists, anthropologists with anthropologists. What’s keeping us from gathering with our own kind?

Let us build our own (aspiring) Creative Writers’ community right here in UP. It is imperative! We need to form our own Writer’s Block where only BAE people are recognized. Let Tinta work. I urge CW students to get along with each other.

A community of five students of different year levels is still a community. It is a start. Let’s volt in! Nyahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!

Wehehehe.. But I’m damn serious.

pirated papers

After I’ve graduated, I’m going to compile all my photocopied materials into one hardbound book. UP is indeed the University of Photocopying.

I just paid twenty pesos and fifty centavos for the next discussion in CL 122. Can you believe that? Oh come on! Look at the bulk of that reading. If you could just imagine a sheet with two pages of texts with font size eight or nine. For those aspiring to be CW students in UP Min next school year, I’m telling you, do yourself a favor and buy some magnifying glasses. Take care of your eyes.

Readings everywhere. I promise that one day CW students would pay twenty pesos to photocopy any of my works. Nyahahahaha! That would make me very happy indeed. Oh yeah! Very satisfied!

I appreciate the fact that CW students here in UP Mindanao are given the original primary text of the great critical thinkers of the 20th century, I really do. But I hope along with it, we’d be supplemented with texts that also pertain to the topic with English that we can actually understand.

No, we’re not stupid. It’s just that it really is hard for us to digest the thoughts of the thinkers in such formidable fashion. It’s actually quite embarrassing when you’re in this class where lively interaction is expected and you, despite your reading the assigned readings could not actually participate because of the uncertainty of whether or not you are to say the things in your mind or keep it there.

No, I’m not shy. People even look at me with distaste whenever I make a fool out of myself in class by bluffing my way out of a hard question. One thing I learned that people like me should know is that you can never bluff your way in a CW major class. Your little tricks in high school would work with CW faculty here in UP.

Everyday is a learning experience. And everyday we try to grasp whatever we might learn and get our tuition fees worth. I can’t believe I’m saying this.

But I’m grateful. It’s hard but it’s the way it is. What would you expect? It’s college, it’s suppose to be difficult especially with the school’s name with it. It has to be hard. It should be hard. Darn!

Creative Writing course would demand sacrifices. It irritates me whenever people from other courses scoff at our course saying that this is the easiest course in UP Min. No labs, no maths, no chemistry, no statistics and trigonometry needed. No majors in the freshmen year. They just don’t get it, do they?

They say that all we had to do is to write. They had to labor with the different mathematical principles and scientific standards in this world. We read and write. We do nothing but that. I then thought, what is the basis of a hard course. Any student would say that their course is the hardest, right? I don’t mind that, it’s saying that my course is the easiest that bothers me a lot. Especially if the person telling me that doesn’t know anything about creative writing.

Perhaps people should consider that fact that it all depends to the person taking up the course.